


I love the word warm

by tigriswolf



Series: meme fics [36]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5 Times, Aftermath of Torture, Bucky Barnes is so tragic, F/M, Families of Choice, Gen, Healing, M/M, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Service Dogs, bad SyFy movies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-08-05
Packaged: 2018-02-11 19:59:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2081229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigriswolf/pseuds/tigriswolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the following prompt:</p><p>5 times Bucky was told he could pick whatever he wanted from somewhere (a clothing store, food, a haircut, anything) and his response were big, hopeful puppy eyes and "Anything I want?" And it broke Steve's heart.</p><p>+ 1 time he didn't even get told, he just ran to the hills and picked whatever he wanted in glee because Jesus H. Christ he can pick what he wants now!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Steve

**Author's Note:**

> Title: I love the word warm  
> Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Anne Sexton  
> Warnings: aftermath of brainwashing/torture; Bucky is so very tragic; I know nothing about service dogs/being a CEO/fashion; spoilers for bad SyFy movies and _The Last Unicorn_  
>  Pairings: pre-Steve/Bucky, Natasha/Clint, Pepper/Tony  
> Rating: PG  
> Wordcount: 5015  
> Point of view: third  
> Prompt: _Bucky/Steve, Bucky didn't know he could choose things for himself + feels_
> 
>  
> 
> _Break my heart, people._
> 
>  
> 
> _5 times Bucky was told he could pick whatever he wanted from somewhere (a clothing store, food, a haircut, anything) and his response were big, hopeful puppy eyes and "Anything I want?" And it broke Steve's heart._
> 
>  
> 
> _\+ 1 time he didn't even get told, he just ran to the hills and picked whatever he wanted in glee because Jesus H. Christ he can pick what he wants now!_
> 
>  
> 
>  _Break Steve's heart. Break my heart_.

Bucky always wears his hair up. Steve keeps hairties in their quarters in massive quantities, and starts carrying some, too, because unless they’re in his hair, Bucky forgets until he needs them. Steve’s pretty sure Hydra never did anything with Bucky’s hair because they just didn’t give a shit, and while he was on his vengeance spree, Bucky didn’t do anything with it, either. 

“Well,” Sam says when Steve comments on it for at least the tenth time, “does he _know_ he can do whatever he wants with it? The dude’s been a puppet for over half a century, Steve.” 

Steve just stares at him. Sam raises an eyebrow. “Seems like a conversation you should have, Cap.”

.

So Steve tracks Bucky to the roof, where he’s having a staring contest with a pigeon. The pigeon wins because Bucky’s eyes go immediately to Steve. He doesn’t quite smile, but Steve grins back, anyway. 

It’s windy and Bucky’s hair keeps blowing into his face. Steve silently offers him a hairtie and Bucky just as silently takes it. 

“Do you,” Steve starts, hunkering down beside him as the pigeon flies away. “Bucky, do you like your hair?” 

Bucky blinks at him. He’s said maybe 20 complete sentences since Steve found him and brought him home, trying to be invisible, keeping to himself. And now, Steve’s wondering if he realizes that people don’t mind his company – that they actually _like_ him to be present. Shit. Steve’s fucked this whole thing up.

“I just… you can change it if you want, you know?” Steve says. “Think about it, okay? If you like it the way it is, that’s fine, but if you want it to be different, you _can_ make it different.” He tries smiling again, but Bucky’s face is utterly blank and it _hurts_. Bucky used to be so expressive. 

He carefully reaches out to pat Bucky’s shoulder, watching Bucky’s face for any sign at all that he doesn’t want it; when Bucky doesn’t react negatively, he carefully squeezes before standing up and backing off. 

“Dinner is gonna be on Bruce’s floor tonight,” Steve tells him. “We’d all enjoy your company, if you want to come.” 

Bucky doesn’t say anything. Steve tries smiling again and then he heads down to the gym because he needs to destroy something. 

.

Bucky shows up at dinner long enough to drop a sketch into Steve’s lap and grab one of the ready-made plates Bruce put together. Everyone says hey and he nods, then he’s gone. 

Steve examines the sketch: it’s one of his, from the early days of him following Bucky around the world as they both burned Hydra to the ground. In it, Bucky is wearing the Winter Soldier’s armor, and his face is the Winter Soldier’s, but his hair – Steve puts the sketch on the table, closing his eyes. 

Natasha picks it up. “What’s the significance, Steve?” she asks. 

He opens his eyes in time to see Stark making _gimme hands_ and watches in silence as the sketch makes the rounds of the table, before Pepper hands it back to him. 

“It’s lovely, Steve,” she says softly, handling it with care. 

Steve sighs, staring down at quite possibly the most heartbreaking drawing he’s ever done of Bucky. “Everything in here is what Hydra did to him,” he explains. “The gear they gave him. The arm. I took the Bucky I pulled out of that goddamned factory and put him into the Winter Soldier.” 

Not even Stark says anything. 

.

In the morning, Steve waits on his and Bucky’s couch. Bucky exits his room wearing one of the pairs of gray sweatpants and one of the shirts Steve gave him, hair loose around his shoulders. 

Steve holds up the sketch. “This is the hair you want?” 

Bucky nods. Steve says, “Then this is the hair you’ll have.” 

.

Of course Stark flies in his favorite barber. The man cuts Bucky’s hair in his and Steve’s dining room and Bucky is completely still throughout the entire process. Steve looms in the corner, eyes on Bucky’s face, but he’s blank. Like he’s not even there. 

But when it’s over and he sees his reflection – he actually smiles.


	2. Natasha

They all notice that Barnes eats whatever he is given; it doesn’t matter what it is. He eats everything on the plate and then sits, hands flat on the table, eyes down. It’s a month before Natasha tells him, “You don’t need to be at meals if you don’t want to be.” She’s pretty sure nobody has informed him of that, and the very next dinner, he hesitates in the doorway, his eyes going from Natasha to Steve and back. Then he slowly backs up, one step at a time, fear plain on his face before he turns and hurries away. 

Steve watches him go, entire body tensed to follow. Natasha says, “Don’t.” Steve sinks back down and doesn’t say more than three words at a time for the whole meal. 

Before he leaves the communal floor, Steve makes a plate for Barnes. After he’s gone, Natasha turns to the rest of the team and says, “We have a problem.” 

.

The thing is, whenever they have the chance, they trade off on making dinner or ordering out. Tony orders something, Bruce cooks, Natasha orders half the time and cooks the rest of it, Clint throws together something that looks disgusting but is delicious, Thor has Heimdallr deliver Aesir food fresh from the kitchens, Pepper always has the best pizza in New York delivered, and Sam makes his mom’s family recipes, which are too die for. And Steve – 

Well, Steve nearly broke down in the kitchen the first time he cooked after he brought Barnes home. Since then, they’ve skipped his turn. Natasha led him from the stove with a gentle hand on his elbow, guided him to the balcony, and sat with him until he calmed. 

“Can you tell me?” she asked. 

It took a long moment before he said, “I cooked for Bucky.” He didn’t say anything else. Finally, she squeezed his shoulder and said, “Let’s order shawarma.” 

.

After the first dinner Barnes refuses to attend, Natasha sits Steve down. She’d talked it over with everyone last night and they’d all agreed: multiple options for every meal it was feasible (and considering their bankroll was Tony Stark, it was feasible for every meal). 

Natasha starts with, “Have you asked Bucky what he likes to eat?” 

Steve furrows his brow. “He likes anything,” Steve says. “Always has.” 

Natasha knows what he means, even though he doesn’t: _We eat anything because it’s what we have._ They went from a childhood during the Great Depression to being in a war. She remembers Steve just after he woke up; he was indecisive because he had too many options, and always chose the simplest thing. And Barnes – Barnes went from a war to being a prisoner, fed the least amount that was healthy and then various nutrition supplements. He doesn’t like or dislike anything because his opinion doesn’t matter. 

So, as carefully as she can, she explains it. 

Steve goes from being confused to horrified, his usual state regarding Barnes. “I keep fucking everything up,” he mumbles into his palms. 

She pats his shoulder. “You’re doing your best, Steve,” she says. “We all are.” 

He laughs bitterly. “My best isn’t enough.” 

.

Since Barnes keeps avoiding mealtimes, they each put a little of everything on a plate for him. At first, Steve delivers it, but then Barnes begins popping in long enough to grab the plate for himself. 

Natasha smiles the night he stays long enough to scrape the green-beans back into the pot. She shares the smile with Bruce, the only one to notice. 

.

After that, he picks something off every plate. When it’s Natasha’s turn to cook, she leaves an empty plate next to the serving dishes. Tonight, she’s cooked jambalaya, because she really enjoyed that the last time she was down in Louisiana, and two servings of teriyaki chicken because she knows Barnes really liked that the last time Tony had it delivered. 

When Barnes sees the empty plate, he visibly hesitates. He glances toward Natasha, then Steve. He reaches for the plate with his right hand and holds it for a few moments before serving himself both helpings of teriyaki chicken and leaving the kitchen. 

Natasha grins victoriously and turns back to her discussion with Pepper, because she cannot believe such a smart woman thinks it’d be better to be hunted by wolves than lions.


	3. Sam

Bucky vanishes for entire days sometimes. He’s always back by nightfall, and Sam has no doubt that Stark and Natasha, at the least, know where he goes. Since they haven’t made a big deal about it, he’s not getting into trouble (of his own or anyone else’s making). But Sam’s curious, and he knows it’s eating Steve up alive. 

Steve isn’t going to ask, though, too scared that even questioning it will seem like an order to stop. And while Bucky’s gotten better about orders, sometimes he still obeys Steve without hesitation, and then crashes hard after he realizes it. So, yeah. Steve’s not going to risk it.

But Sam, he’s not really an authority figure, at all. So he asks Bucky in the gym, late one afternoon when Bucky’s actually at the tower, “So, hey, man, I was wonderin’ if I could ask you something?” 

Bucky nods. Sam’s not expecting a novel or something, but he really hopes Bucky answers in at least a sentence. Why Bucky doesn’t talk isn’t something anybody’s completely sure about, but Sam’s a pretty avid believer of Bucky choosing something to control. And talking? When you’re not a brainwashed puppet of wanna-be evil overlords and genocidal maniacs, controlling how much you talk is pretty easy. 

“When you’re not here, where do you go?” Sam asks. “Don’t answer if you don’t want to.” 

Bucky looks at him for a few seconds. Then he says, “I go walking to look at dogs,” and turns back to the punching bag. 

Sam leaves him to it. 

.

“He goes walking to look at dogs?” Steve says. “What?”

Sam shrugs. “I don’t know, man. Did he like dogs when y’all were kids?” 

Steve frowns, tilting his head to the side. “I think so? He was definitely nice to all the dogs we saw during the war.” 

Sam shrugs again. “I’ll talk to Stark.” 

.

Stark stares at him, rolls his eyes, and says, “So get him a dog, what the fuck ever, I don’t care.” 

Sam counts that as a win.

.

It’s a bright Tuesday morning when Sam is out jogging around Central Park and sees Bucky sitting on the grass, watching a teenager and a dog play fetch. Steve, Natasha, and Barton are away on a mission, which is the only reason Sam’s not with Steve on their regular jogging route. 

Sam wanders a little closer, watching Bucky watch the dog – yeah, Bucky Barnes is most definitely a dog person. When Bucky’s eyes dart to him for just a moment, Sam nods and then continues jogging. 

.

Later that evening, Sam emails Bucky half a dozen links to pet therapy and PTSD dog sites. 

.

Sam doesn’t see Bucky again until Thursday. He spends a great deal of time on Wednesday calling around New York; thankfully, one of his friends from DC has a friend in New York that trains dogs specifically for veterans, and she puts in a good word. So when Bucky finds him in the library of Stark’s insane tower, Sam’s ready. 

Bucky holds out a printed article about PTSD dogs and asks, “Could I get one?” 

Sam smiles at him. “Of course you can,” he says. “Want me to show you how?” 

He holds his breath until Bucky nods. 

.

On Friday, Sam brings Bucky to Freddie’s training center and watches, grinning, as Bucky interacts with every dog he’s able to. Most of them have already been selected, or are Freddie’s personal dogs, and he gets a lot of details from Freddie while Bucky loses himself in cuddles and pets. 

There’s one, though, that Bucky keeps going back to, and when Sam asks about that dog, Freddie lights up. “She’s a [collie/golden lab mix](http://stlseniordogproject.typepad.com/.a/6a00d834bb5e7353ef0120a656d0d4970c-pi),” Freddie says. “A real sweetheart. She was paired up with a veteran, but he ended up backing out at the last minute.” She shrugs. “It happens sometimes.” 

“What’s her name?” Sam asks, watching Bucky smile at the dog. 

“Emmanuel,” Freddie says. “I call her Emmy.”

.

Freddie sends them home with pamphlets and paperwork to read over. Sam asks Bucky about the dogs, what he thinks about them, if any in particular appeal to him. “Don’t forget,” Sam says, “we can visit other places, too. You don’t have to be in a rush. Make sure the dog you choose is the right fit for you.”

Bucky nods and takes everything with him to his room.

.

Sam doesn’t see Bucky for three days, but Freddie calls to tell him that Bucky’s spending the bulk of those days at the center, visiting with Emmy. “I think we’ve got a match,” she says. Sam can’t help but agree.

It’s still two weeks before Bucky can bring Emmy home, but for those two weeks, Sam has never seen Bucky happier. Steve tells him, tears in his eyes, that it’s the closest to the Bucky Barnes he knew than _this_ Bucky has ever been before. 

Two nights before Emmy’s due to arrive, at the team dinner that Bucky (as ever) avoids, Sam explains to all them exactly what Emmy has been trained to do and how they should act around her. He figures Thor will have the hardest time with it, but then Thor tells them about some creature whose name Sam will never be able to pronounce, and how they were trained for and then gifted to various warriors who survived wounds that should have killed them and then could no longer fight. “They were ferocious,” Thor says, “and fierce! They were an honor. I understand the need Barnes has for such a beast.” 

“Well,” Sam says after a moment, “that’s good.” 

Thor smiles at him. Sam nods and continues his explanation.

.

Emmy follows Bucky around, or walks side-by-side, and he can’t stop smiling, and Sam watches Steve watching, and he updates his bet for the pool.


	4. Clint

There isn’t really a team movie night, exactly, but Cap has this list of things to catch up on and he has Jarvis stream whatever movie he’s picked to the gigantic TV on the communal floor, so whoever’s in town usually pops in. Rogers’ reactions, Clint has decided, are the absolute _best_ , because at least Natasha knows how to hide her genuine reaction. It’s like Cap never learned how to lie or something. 

Some of the movies Rogers likes. Some he doesn’t. Some he simply doesn’t understand, either how they got made in the first place or why they became ‘classics,’ and when he argues with Stark about _Stargate_ being good, Clint nearly busts something trying not to laugh. 

They each have a night where they pick their favorite movie; even if Rogers doesn’t like the movie, he listens to why _they_ do and doesn’t really say anything against it. Barnes just happens to be lurking in the corner when it’s Clint’s turn and they all watch _Arachnoquake_. 

The first time a spider shoots fire, Cap says, “What.” 

Stark and Banner spend most of the movie ranting about the science, Natasha just watches in silent resignation, Ms. Potts laughs each time someone randomly dies, Thor complains about the military response time, Doc Foster and Darcy and Sam span the entire range of bewildered to thoroughly amused, and Barnes – Clint gives himself a pat on the back when he hears the first rusty chuckle. 

Clint notices everyone else notice, but no one reacts, even when the giant queen spider scuttles up a building and Barnes actually lets out a real _laugh_. Rogers doesn’t complain about the movie, ever, because of that laugh, and after it’s over, when everyone’s heading out, Rogers quietly thanks him.

“I can’t believe you like that movie,” Natasha says as they curl up together on the bed on her floor. 

He shrugs. “It’s just fun.” 

She sighs. “They should have at least set it somewhere else. And echolocation? Spiders that shoot fire?” 

Clint laughs. “At least Barnes seemed to like it.” 

After a moment’s consideration, Natasha nods. “There is that,” she says mildly.

.

The next time they’re all there for a movie, it’s Darcy’s pick and she chooses something called _The Last Unicorn_. Barnes is in the corner again, this time with his dog sacked out over his lap. 

Clint doesn’t expect to like the movie, but he does. The unicorn’s epic quest, her longing, even the prince – fuck, he’s getting _sentimental_. 

Natasha pokes him in the side, so he lifts his arm to let her in close. “I own the book,” she murmurs to him as the castle falls into the sea. 

Yeah, fuck. He’ll be borrowing that sometime soon. 

.

Clint’s at the range when he hears Emmy’s toenails on the floor. He doesn’t hear Barnes at all; the man’s as quiet as Natasha, and he hasn’t figured out how to be loud on purpose, like she does. 

Barnes chooses a rifle, tells Emmy to guard the door, and then goes to town on a target. Clint pauses to watch because Barnes is _awesome_ in a way Clint hasn’t seen since Chisholm, and Barnes isn’t a jerkwad like Chisholm was. 

“So, hey, Barnes, I’ve been wondering,” Clint says after Barnes lowers the weapon, “when are you gonna pick a movie for movie night?” 

He keeps his eyes on his own target as Barnes glances over, silent. He still isn’t talking much, though he’s been piping up more since he got Emmy. Clint’s thinking about getting his own dog, one who doesn’t have any job beyond being spoiled rotten. He’s always wanted a dog. 

When Barnes stays quiet, Clint says, “You seemed to like _Arachnoquake_ the other night. There’s hundreds more like it out there.” He glances over to see Barnes tilting his head, eyebrow raised, so he laughs. “Ask Jarvis to search SyFy movies.”

Barnes nods and turns back to his target. This time, Clint decides to hold a contest with him, see who does better.

Clint wins, of course, because he’s the only one who knew there was a contest.

.

On Rogers’ night, Barnes walks in and tells him, “ _Mega-Shark vs Giant Octopus_.” 

Rogers asks, “What?” while Clint falls down onto the couch, laughing like he hasn’t since before Loki. 

Half the team is away, either on missions or vacations, so it’s just Darcy, Clint, Rogers, Barnes, and Banner there for movie night. 

“Cap, we gotta watch it!” Clint gasps out, finally sitting up and able to breathe through the laughter. 

Darcy bounces in place, clapping her hands. “Dude, it has [the best scene ever](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I16_8l0yS-g)!” she adds, giving Cap the second-best puppy dog eyes on the team.

Rogers gives a Barnes a look, but Barnes is kneeling down, rubbing Emmy’s ears. Rogers nods. “Fine. Jarvis, let’s watch – what was it? Giant Shark and the Octopus?” 

That nearly sets Clint off again.

.

Cap watches with horror and disgust; Clint and Darcy cackle their way through the movie; Banner doesn’t even diss the science this time; and Barnes – well, Barnes doesn’t stop smiling. 

When it’s over, Darcy asks the room in general, “Isn’t it amazing?” 

Cap just says, “I guess that’s one word for it.” 

Barnes pats his shoulder comfortingly and Rogers looks at him in wonder; Clint quickly averts his gaze. Definitely time to update the pool again.


	5. Pepper

Pepper is on her way to a meeting with the department heads when Captain Rogers falls into step with her. “Ms. Potts,” he says, “do you have a moment?” 

“Just a few minutes,” she replies. “If it’s not an emergency, I could schedule an appointment?” 

Captain Rogers nods. “That’ll be fine, ma’am.” 

She smiles at him. “I’ll have Jarvis contact you. Please, do excuse me.” 

_What on earth is that about?_ she wonders, hurrying towards the elevator. She hates running even a few minutes late, and because Tony rewired all the alarms, she woke up an hour later than usual. “Jarvis,” she says as the elevator begins heading down, “when is the first available opening for Captain Rogers?” 

“The Thursday after next, Ms. Potts,” Jarvis answers.

“Well,” she murmurs, “he did say it wasn’t an emergency.” She mentally goes through her upcoming calendar, but there really is nothing she can shuffle off without alienating someone, so she finally says, “Ask him if he’s alright with that, and if he is, schedule it. If not, let me know.” 

“Yes, Ms. Potts,” Jarvis says. The elevator doors open and she quickly walks to the garage, where Happy’s waiting with the limo.

By the time she’s at the meeting, she’s forgotten all about Steve’s appointment. 

.

“Ms. Potts, your 3 o’clock is here,” Trisha tells her through the intercom. 

Pepper turns away from the computer and says, “Send them in.” 

Captain Rogers enters, wearing jeans and a nice blue shirt that definitely brings out his eyes. “Captain Rogers!” she says, standing up. “How may I help you?” He hesitates in the middle of her office, so she gestures to the chair on the left. “Please, have a seat.”

She’s barely been at the Tower the past couple of weeks; there was an emergency at the Malibu branch, and then a conference in Sydney that she simply _had_ to attend. Jarvis kept her apprised of anything she needed to know. 

“I was wondering, well, you –” He cuts himself off, looking down at his hands. He starts over with, “Back, before the war, we didn’t have a lot, you know?” She nods encouragingly, giving him a smile. He straightens in the chair, all military precision and steel. His mask is good; Tony’s is better. “We divided what little money we had between various medicines that never really seemed to work and food. Bucky had a few good suits from his folks, but they had three little girls they were takin’ care of, too.” 

He pauses, so she says, “Of course.” 

Captain Rogers nods. “And then, we had uniforms provided by the army, tactical gear from Howard, and then – then – ” He cuts himself off again. 

Pepper has absolutely no idea how to react to an emotional Captain America. Watching him clench his fists as he stares into his past, she realizes that this isn’t _Captain America_ , the American legend. This is Steve Rogers, still a kid from Brooklyn who isn’t even thirty years old yet. He was a kid when he went to war, a kid when he went into the ice, a kid when he found out his brother not only wasn’t dead, but was actually an active weapon for the other side. 

“Steve,” she says gently, “take your time.”

He nods again. “Bucky used to try to look as good as he could, whenever he could. He said pride was all we had, that if we looked sharp, the world would give us more of a chance.” 

“Ah,” Pepper replies, pretty sure she knew what the point of this meeting was. 

“After I brought him home,” Captain -- _Steve_ says, “I gave him some of my clothes. Back before, it was always the other around, not that any of his stuff ever fit me. I just…” He shrugs helplessly. “I want him to know that he can wear whatever he wants, but I know that I can’t just drag him to a store and tell him to find something he likes.” 

“Choice paralysis?” she asks, pulling her appointment book over to glance through it. Tony chuckles at the old-fashioned notebook every now and then, but she likes hardcopy, even if Jarvis is far more convenient. 

“Yeah,” Steve says. “I went through it when I woke up. Still do, sometimes.” 

Pepper finds one day in her calendar that might work. “Here’s what I propose, then, Steve,” she says. He focuses on her, eyes wide with hope. He’s so _young_. “First, ask Bucky if he’d like new clothes of his own choosing. If he would, I can arrange to have several different styles and brands delivered to the Tower and he can choose from those.” 

Steve thinks about it for a few minutes; she pulls up her calendar on her computer and begins shuffling a few things around. 

“Yes, please, Ms. Potts,” he says. 

“Good. Talk to Bucky. I’ll have everything set for Wednesday the 20th.” She smiles at him as he stands up. 

“Thank you so much,” Steve tells her. “I’ll let you know what Bucky says.”

.

On Saturday, while she’s cuddling with Tony in the jacuzzi, Jarvis announces, “Ms. Potts, Captain Rogers would like to inform you that Mr. Barnes has agreed to the clothing delivery.” 

“Oh, wonderful,” she breathes. “Jarvis, I’ve made a few notes about that. Please see to them?” 

“Of course, Ms. Potts.” 

She glances at Tony’s raised eyebrow and smiles. 

.

Things come up, as they do, but she informs everyone that her calendar is clear and will remain as such for the 20th. There is so little she can do for Tony’s team, the people she’s come to consider friends. Natasha is actually her closest girlfriend, and Bruce is an oasis of calm she needs frequently, with all the headaches Tony provides. And the world owes Bucky and Steve a debt that will probably never be repaid, but she will do what she can.

She’s basically bought out the menswear department of Macy’s because it predates Bucky and should (hopefully) be just a little familiar. Anything he doesn’t choose will be donated to charities across the city. She directs the deliverymen in organizing the clothing around three different meeting rooms connected by doors and everything is finally to her liking when Steve and Bucky arrive. Bucky’s dog is trailing them, focused on the strangers, but Bucky leans down to stroke her skull. 

“Thank you, gentlemen,” Pepper tells the deliverymen and they leave. 

Bucky’s looking at the clothes with wide eyes. “Anything you like,” Pepper tells him gently, “it’s yours.” His eyes dart to her, then Steve, and then back to the clothes. Pepper carefully moves to the edge of the room, where Steve joins her after a moment. And Bucky – 

Bucky slowly walks toward the first section, which is entirely jeans. Everything is Bucky’s size, thanks to Jarvis, and she really wants him to find something he likes, something that’s his _choice_. 

“This is nerve-wracking,” Steve whispers, leaning back against the wall.

“Yes,” she laughs softly, “it is.”

.

Eventually, Bucky picks about three or four things from every pile. He murmurs to Emmy throughout the entire process, but Pepper can’t hear whatever he’s saying, and Steve doesn’t react except to smile. Pepper pretends not to notice how Bucky buries three brightly colored shirts beneath a few dark sweaters in his keep pile; she glances up at Steve and his eyes are laughing as they meet her gaze. 

Pepper sighs happily. Mission a definite success.


	6. he has yet to choose a name

With Emmy stretched out beside him, he decides ( _decides chooses_ ) to research interesting places in New York. He remembers everything from before the cold, during the cold, and after the cold – but the world has changed just as much as he has. More. 

(Well, certain parts of the world have changed. Others haven’t. People are still horrible, but some people are also good. 

Steve and Steve’s friends tell him he is _good_ but was used by horrible people to do horrible things. Steve loves him anyway. So does Emmy. 

He’s not quite sure he’s loveable yet, but he won’t deny them their _choice_. Choices are important.)

“Hey, Bucky,” Steve calls through the door, knocking gently. He minimizes the window on the laptop, open to Wikipedia page for New York City. “Can I come in?” Steve asks. 

“Yes,” he replies, rolling over and sitting up. His legs hang off the bed, feet on the floor. Emmy rolls over, too, ears pricked toward Steve as he enters. 

Steve’s already smiling, but he sees the exact moment Steve notices the shirt he’s wearing because he positively lights up. 

The shirt is – tropical? Multicolored and garishly bright, but it reminded him of summer, of warmth. He – he _liked_ the way looking at it made him feel. So he _chose_ it and this is currently the fourth time he has worn it in the eight days since Ms. Potts provided him with clothing. 

“I like your shirt, Bucky,” Steve tells him, still lit up. 

He likes it, too, but he doesn’t want to verbalize that. Words are still dangerous. Best to guard them vigilantly, though – 

He knows that Steve and Steve’s friends will not hurt him. Will not wipe him, will not store him, will not use him.

But. 

Emmy whines, nosing at his side. He blinks and focuses back on Steve, who has backed up a step, hands reaching towards him. “Hey, Buck, you with me?” Steve asks, sounding worried. 

“Yes,” he says.

“Okay, that’s good,” Steve says. “That’s good. I – Sam made a batch of his mom’s cookies. That’s why, would you like to come get some with the rest of us?” 

Cookies. A pointless food that is, nonetheless, pleasing. 

Yes, he _wants_ cookies. So he rises to his feet and Steve smiles again. 

He likes Steve’s smile. 

.

After the cookies, he returns to his room and his research. He quickly discards over three-fourths of the options for simply being too _big_. After a few hours of study, he _chooses_ the Museum of the City of New York. It’s almost as old as he is, but the current exhibitions seem like exactly what he _wants_.

“Do you think I should ask someone to come with us?” he murmurs to Emmy. She doesn’t answer beyond wagging her tail but he says, “You’re right. Let’s try this ourselves first.”

.

On Monday morning, he puts Emmy’s purple vest on her, puts his favorite shirt back on, one of his nicer pairs of jeans, and the Winter Soldier’s boots. They are the only part of that uniform he kept (except the weapons, which are in the armory with most everyone else’s gear). There are two hours until the museum opens, so he and Emmy go to Central Park, where they sit on the grass. 

He tilts his face to the sun, closes his eyes (though all of the rest of his senses are attuned, and Emmy is guarding), and lets the warmth settle into his bones. 

.

At 1000, he and Emmy make their way to the museum. He pauses at the stairs, gazing up towards the building. 

For all his wanderings before and after Emmy, before and after Steve finding him, he has yet to enter a building alone. Even with Steve – they went from Steve’s hotel room to Stark’s tower. 

This… will be new. He tries on a smile because he has _chosen_ , he _wants_ this, and goes up the stairs.


End file.
